Reckoning

February 26, 2018 - Leave a Response

Maybe
I’ve been
Ignoring
Something
Or
Multiple
And the
Slow
Realization
Isn’t
Necessarily
Liberating
Nor is
It
Defeating
It just
Is
Like a smile
On my
Face
For no
Reason
Perhaps
Because
I get
More and more
Comfortable
With who
I am
Becoming
The shadows
Still
Dance
But I’m
Not in their trance
Anymore
The cliche
God has
Taken people
Out of your
Life
Although
You walked,
Not once
But twice
Neither time
Very nice,
To do
Me
A favour.
I always believed
A
Certain
Level
That
Was not physically
Present,
Being
Slightly
More awakened
Can be
Monumental
And
Detrimental
Sometimes
Both times
You walked
Away
From me
I’ve endured
Massive
Creative
Self
Expansion
And
Expression
Some
So painful
Brought to
My knees
Others
Standing
Tall
Arms outstretched
Becoming the
Magnificence
Of Trees.
I
Know
Who you
Are
And what
You are
Capable
Of
It’s just
Not there
For me
And that’s
Been
One thing
That’s been
So hard
To surrender
To,
Embrace
The
Nothingness
In front
Of my
Face
So much
Introspection
Not all
For you
It lingers
Less prominently
But it’s been
A full circle
In a year
How
Time
Flies
I’m glad
I purged
Pretty much
Everything to
Do with
You
Because
The memories
I have spent
Much energy
Keeping at bay
Their energy
Positive
And
Negative
Now
I know
Both
Treated
Equally
Surrounded
By
Light
And
Given
Away
Like
Butterflies
Floating
Towards
The blue
Skies
Double
Rainbow
Pot of gold
At each
End
Or perhaps
The same
Like
Dust
In the
Wind
The
Sands of
Time
Will
Blow
Into
Another
Rhyme.

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Love’s Affinity

February 21, 2018 - Leave a Response

Love is relentless in its
Process of showing you
More and more and more
Of who you are
And who you become
Once you let some light in
To your life.
It is a soft breeze
Necessary
To assuage
All that
Has hardened
That use to be
Soft
Even in the face
Of self perpetuated
Resistance
It is gentle and kind
Warm and soft
Welcoming
Embracing
Comforting
Strengthening

 

I wanted to name this Relentless is Love, yet Love is…so there is a pull, love doesn’t come chasing you.  It’s inherent.  The more you awaken, like a slow rising sun at dawn…the energy washes over you.  Relentless is because of the resistance to it..it’s always there, yet resistance makes it seem like it’s a battle and the only battle is within oneself to fully open up to it.  At least this is how I feel presently.  My sun is continually rising so…stay tuned.

Glass House

February 14, 2018 - Leave a Response

I compiled a
Chapbook
Twenty years
Ago
Glass house
Well
I’m still in it
Except
Now
I have no
Problem
Throwing
Stones
My doors
And windows
Are wide open
I see
My reflection
In my
Imperfection
It gives
Me strength
To say
What I say
The glass house
Is truth
And evolving
In the currents
Of
Accountability
And
Responsibility
If the foundation
Or structure
Has a flaw
That’s ok
If I’m aware
Of it
And choose
To act
Or not
That’s ok
Eventually
Something will be
Done
It’s inevitable
Because this
Glass house
Shines
Within
And
Without
Surrounded by
Love
A power
I have
A difficulty
Articulating
In it’s
Ability
To
Transmute
The sands of time
Into something
So crystal
Clear
And
Luminous

More Foreword

December 30, 2017 - Leave a Response

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This is dual in nature, an update regarding the book “A Path to Love, A Paw Print for Living” and resonates with the title of this blog, Markings of the Soul.

What follows is the original draft of part of the Foreword to the book.  More Foreword was just written today and part of it will be incorporated.

Foreword

There’s a story online about a six year old present for his dog’s passing that tells much about the child’s connection to life and love that is blurred in our aging.

The six year old’s explanation as to why dog’s lives are shorter:
“People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life – like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right? Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as long.”

It is in grace that we learn to reconnect with love, innocence and awe. This grace can be in the angelic presence of a canine companion. A Path to Love, A Paw Print for Living is a dialogue about how this grace taught me so much about love.

More Foreword

I began this book like I’d seen many of my former fitness clients when they started training with their end goals in mind – determined. The energy is like a vortex, that of a tornado, pulls you in and spins and spins and spins.   Out of the spinning comes so much creativity and I have to let loose and just right and then later collect the thoughts and organize them to a degree. Well I hit a wall. Hard. Created by myself and avoided by myself so basically not going anywhere. This concept of this wall is as much a part of the path to love and there is more then one wall.  Yet this wall has been the most powerful. I’d taken up many things in the past and just did them. This one has stopped me in my tracks for over two months.  One healer I’ve gone to regularly over the last few years, at our last session sort of foreshadowed what the deep seated root was, the feeling of not deserving. Right now it resonates with me because tears are welling up in my eyes and I’m not making this up, nor am I trying to elicit anything. It happens and trust me i don’t want it to. It’s a very powerful energy, feel it in my body from the waist up, tears start streaming, my face contorts and contracts and my insides tense and convulse strongly. This is what I don’t get, is why, how, where, when, what or who. Pretty enlightening eh? I’ve grappled with this for quite a while. I had a vision pop into my head in a meditation recently of there being this hole of brown or devoid of colour. The hole is like those holes you see when you walk into them and they take you to another dimension, except this one was horizontal and I stepped down into, submerged my self like going into a pool and felt immense sorrow, weight and just ‘devoid’, like barren emptiness and openness.  It was like a black hole but not. Sometimes it’s hard for me to differentiate between the subtle nuances of emotions; sorrow and nothingness for example. Or sorrow and undeserving, or undeserving and self worth. This is where meditation really helps because the classifications and categorization only impede knowing. The hardest thing for me is to sit with this hole. I’ve been trying. It’s worse then the physical conditioning that comes when you start a strength training program. I can handle that kind of physical discomfort, obviously for this life, I’ve had a hard time dealing with this one. And perhaps it won’t disappear. This is the part of the path. In the movie “The Power of the Heart”  someone stated that sometimes questions of the heart aren’t answered as a solution but as a path.   Part of these last two months has taught me the difference between acceptance and embracing.  Embracing is the embodiment, literally, of acceptance. It is to sit with this emotion or hole, and just sit. As much as I want a solution, resolution even some scrap of breakthrough, it’s not happening (yet).  So my wall has some good qualities built in. Probably as rock hard as my skull too. This wall of underserving is what has prohibited me or I’ve allowed to put the brakes on moving forward with the book. I feel like a fraud writing about something that I am not a master about yet there’s the irony of the situation because when you get through the book or partake in the workshops you will know that there is much to be gained. Yet I don’t feel like I deserve to write about it. I still have issues. And no end in sight. That’s what’s disheartening for me. Who am I to tell a story, part of it mine, when it comes to self-love. To not share what I have gleaned though is not ‘proper’ either, for lack of a better word. I have cursed at God, the Divine, you name whatever it is, like a child or child in a man’s body to no avail. I’m giving this gift yet not sure how to share it or afraid to because my gift wrapping skills need some finessing, a softer touch or less forceful approach.  Not sure yet.
I indulge in wordplay so bringing this full circle to the title, More Foreward, the answer is right there. It’s to keep writing, it’s to keep moving forward. Regardless of present circumstances, emotional state, whatever. Sometimes in landscaping, when building a beautiful patio or wall feature, there is something that is utilized to mediate a deviation in the wanted perfection of the process. Whether the prior too was in my control or not, the present calls for something to integrate it into the whole so that it is in harmony. Like putting a bed of mortar under a coping unit to fix a level issue that may have happened at base grade or due to a manufacturing issue with the wall units. More foreword. Self-love is never giving up on oneself.  “I don’t know how” never stopped me before so why am I letting it now?  When I grew up playing hockey, I never stopped taking shots because my first one thousand never got off the ice. I kept plugging away.  More Foreword.  It’s a path to love. Not a pothole. The pothole is part of the landscape. The obstacle is part of the path essentially. I haven’t written anything in a while and it feels good to flow, even the tears streaming down my cheeks. Whether deserving or not, a concept, deserving, that we as beings could probably do without in our conditioning as young entities.

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Now back to how this writing has inspired more contemplation and for those interested stay tuned, end of January 2018  I’ll be offering another workshop, The Renaissance Man Forum. A conversation and discussion on how to navigate the awakening of your heart as a male.  How to be reborn in the new discovery of what it means to be male, masculine being as so many of the constructs of our conditioning fall away as things that no longer serve us.  Physical gender aside, women are invited to participate because as the energies of transformation ripple across the globe, this harmonization towards greater unity, on individual and collective levels, is influencing all of us. This is not couples counseling and it will definitely improve relationships on a number of levels as a byproduct of partaking in this retreat.  Some additional topics to be covered: RAW, an acronym for the essential elements of transformation excluding grace. Energies of masculine and feminine harmonization within and the rediscovery of what they may be and entail; Emotional versus Intellectual Intelligence and yes there will definitely be instruction on how to meditate and various meditations throughout the day.

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(Picture is from a series for the upcoming Renaissance Man Forum)

Thank you

Merry Christmas

December 25, 2017 - Leave a Response

May your holidays be filled with peace. May joy permeate your being and the comfort of love surround you.

In the reality of the season that saw Jesus born to illuminate a new way of being for us that still holds so much truth today may we reach out, support and pray for those who only know hardship and struggle at this point. May we all continue to hone our own fortitude to go into our dark night of our soul and journey towards the light within. May we learn that acceptance is the stepping point to embracing whatever it is that requires our love for ourselves and for others. May we learn to be less ego centric and follow in the steps that our heart’s lead us, irregardless of the potholes of pain that are inevitable and there for us to fill in and become whole once again. If we are to choose anything, let love be our guide through struggle and abundance. Together let us be who we are, a shining star in the fabric of a majestic universe.

A Season’s Toast from an Angel named Mustang

The stairway to heaven is punctuated with the only things I know most about, love; love of food, rest, play and the special people in our lives. This is the best time of the year to indulge in all of these beautiful things.

Thank you

Merry Christmas from Merlin and Mustang

A Path to Love – A Paw Print for Living Kickstarter Campaign is Live

September 10, 2017 - Leave a Response

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Hello everyone!  I just launched this minutes ago.  I ask for your support in helping make this project a reality and being a part of an individual and collective effort to be the change we want to see in this world.

Click above image to take you to Kickstarter project page and pledge!

Thank you,

Merlin and Mustang

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Share the Puppy Love – Kickstarter Campaign Launches Sept 9

September 7, 2017 - One Response

On Sept 9, the Kickstarter Campaign begins for the launch of the book A Path to Love – A Paw Print for Living

Spoiler Alert

Great rewards to go with pledges

  • Handcrafted Paw Print Stones in three collection options
  • General and Personalized 2018 Calendars featuring Mustang
  • A Path to Love Journal, a great companion for self expression
  • There is also a T-shirt being designed which will be shared in the Updates portion of the Kickstarter Campaign

Speaking of Updates, included will be

  • Snippets of the outtakes producing these videos, especially the first half, “I want to know what love is“, borrowing lyrics from Foreigner
  • Behind the scenes footage fo the cover design genesis as Mustang gets his paws branded
  • And More

The introductory video and project details will highlight everything about this transformational book!

Ground Zero

July 3, 2017 - Leave a Response

 

Full circle
Almost to the day
Built this
Frame
For us
To build
Together
A legacy
Only thing
Left now
Is
Ground
Zero
No one
But
Me
Did a
Ceremony
Which
I really
Didn’t
Want to
Ripped
A metaphorical
Hole in
My chest
Too
No joke
My aura
Was broke
Thank God
For
Self Love
In the form
Of Reiki
Symbols
To
Revitalize
Myself
There is
So much
I don’t
Understand
What more
Am I supposed
To learn
Because
It’s been
An onslaught
Blow by blow
No after no

Forever One

May 21, 2017 - Leave a Response

Ohio plates
Repeatedly
Notre Dame
Another Clue
On the plates,
Ties in to
Paris
Past lives
Regression
Suppression
Karma
New Understanding
Different view.
Monk and nun
Cards
900 years ago
Medieval era
Love story
Ahead of its
Time,
Drawn together
Seeking deeper
Insight
Many years apart,
In age,
And after tragedy,
Castration, betrayal and
Isolation.
An only child
They had,
She was forced
To give up
Suffering at the
Hands of
Ludicrous convention
And worry,
Relative to the mores
Of their time.
Deep passionate
Yearning,
Love letters span
A lifetime with
Sporadic interaction.
Reunited in death
Bed by bed
Side by side
Forever one.

Exit Interview

May 20, 2017 - Leave a Response

This is not a poem as much as it is an expression that I needed to get off my chest.  Love has been something to me that has opened me up and continues to teach me so many lessons.  It is never ending and for the first time in my life I can say I am not sorry I loved someone and I’d do it all over again.  This might not be so positive upon initial perception but it is authentic.  I know love does not judge and I am passing judgment here.  I realize that love does not get attached to outcomes or have expectations.  So this exit interview  is an expression that was critical to me healing because immediately after I cleared this I felt the love in my heart flow through me again.  And one may debate why did I stay in a relationship (I did not initiate the break up) like this if I carried some of these resentments.  It’s because I focused on the positives in the person, I believed things would get better and I constantly attempted to be more of who I am becoming.  Most importantly I’m not perfect either and I believed love would conquer all, even in me.

Exit Interview

I was wrong – I believed love can conquer all – that a narcissist can over come their tendencies and learn how to truly love and be vulnerable and authentic as they wish the world would be with them, but you are not open to it as you think you are. There are cracks in your walls and love peaks through or barely gets in and possibly sometime in the future the walls will come crumbling down.

I was wrong to think love can conquer all your fears and being patient with you, staying by your side during your ugliness would demonstrate that you are worthy of love but your mind chose to ignore that and create a reality based on pain patterns and keep you trapped there regardless of what I would say because in the end as you have repeatedly told me, you only believe what you want to, hearing all this stuff that is not there even when I clearly state otherwise.

I was wrong to think love can conquer all and that you would recognize the freedom you always had in this relationship to do what you want, when you want. I never put conditions on you or prevented you or impeded you from doing anything. You don’t even remember the mantra i shared with you about what I was committed to fostering in this house when we moved in. Enjoy the freedom you wanted and have created now.

I was wrong to think love could conquer all and feel these things because so many times I saw changes in you that were encouraging and kept me going but your fashion or approach is never to actually jump in , you tread into the water and stop ankle deep at most.

I was wrong to think love would conquer all and you’d get over your fears about the future and your pains but you stay trapped inside your walls.

I wasnt wrong about love conquering all as much as I was wrong about you or my beliefs about you. I believed if someone like myself could change so much in a short period of time why couldn’t you? If I could dissolve my big fears why couldn’t you ? If I could commit and become more open and vulnerable, why couldn’t you? I held back on my emotions and sharing them with you after a while because of a child inside me that kept score, always asking myself why am I the one who always has to share/ start? Doesn’t matter you won’t get this because you only believe what you want to.

I was wrong to believe I could make a difference in your life, never once did I ever hear a statement of gratitude from you for anything or even heartfelt appreciation. Meaning I told you about how being with you taught me so much and was grateful for it but an equal admission from you is akin to failure on your part of being able to do things on your own.

The last two bday cards you gave me bring this back full circle- I am slowly breaking this habit of keeping score meaning I’ve done this, you’ve done or haven’t done this – the images on them or the nature of the card were indicative of caring and thought but the words were so robotic and demonstrate to me how hard it is for you to express your emotions. Your words were like form letters.

You say that inclusion into your life or having me do things with you was so important but you mocked / scolded me when I put pictures of us as on my phone home screen, or I had your picture attached to your phone number – a true sign of me changing because i never ever had pictures of anyone in my life on display anywhere. But you couldn’t appreciate that. If I had Facebook it would have been all over there too but I can only imagine your reaction to that. You placed a picture of yourself on your phone again exemplifying the ‘me first, you maybe third or fourth priority ‘ that I always felt. You always wanted me to go to things that you wanted and the one time I wanted you to come to a Thai cooking class it wasn’t important enough to you to change what you wanted to do. So I went alone.