Archive for December, 2017

More Foreword
December 30, 2017


This is dual in nature, an update regarding the book “A Path to Love, A Paw Print for Living” and resonates with the title of this blog, Markings of the Soul.

What follows is the original draft of part of the Foreword to the book.  More Foreword was just written today and part of it will be incorporated.


There’s a story online about a six year old present for his dog’s passing that tells much about the child’s connection to life and love that is blurred in our aging.

The six year old’s explanation as to why dog’s lives are shorter:
“People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life – like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right? Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as long.”

It is in grace that we learn to reconnect with love, innocence and awe. This grace can be in the angelic presence of a canine companion. A Path to Love, A Paw Print for Living is a dialogue about how this grace taught me so much about love.

More Foreword

I began this book like I’d seen many of my former fitness clients when they started training with their end goals in mind – determined. The energy is like a vortex, that of a tornado, pulls you in and spins and spins and spins.   Out of the spinning comes so much creativity and I have to let loose and just right and then later collect the thoughts and organize them to a degree. Well I hit a wall. Hard. Created by myself and avoided by myself so basically not going anywhere. This concept of this wall is as much a part of the path to love and there is more then one wall.  Yet this wall has been the most powerful. I’d taken up many things in the past and just did them. This one has stopped me in my tracks for over two months.  One healer I’ve gone to regularly over the last few years, at our last session sort of foreshadowed what the deep seated root was, the feeling of not deserving. Right now it resonates with me because tears are welling up in my eyes and I’m not making this up, nor am I trying to elicit anything. It happens and trust me i don’t want it to. It’s a very powerful energy, feel it in my body from the waist up, tears start streaming, my face contorts and contracts and my insides tense and convulse strongly. This is what I don’t get, is why, how, where, when, what or who. Pretty enlightening eh? I’ve grappled with this for quite a while. I had a vision pop into my head in a meditation recently of there being this hole of brown or devoid of colour. The hole is like those holes you see when you walk into them and they take you to another dimension, except this one was horizontal and I stepped down into, submerged my self like going into a pool and felt immense sorrow, weight and just ‘devoid’, like barren emptiness and openness.  It was like a black hole but not. Sometimes it’s hard for me to differentiate between the subtle nuances of emotions; sorrow and nothingness for example. Or sorrow and undeserving, or undeserving and self worth. This is where meditation really helps because the classifications and categorization only impede knowing. The hardest thing for me is to sit with this hole. I’ve been trying. It’s worse then the physical conditioning that comes when you start a strength training program. I can handle that kind of physical discomfort, obviously for this life, I’ve had a hard time dealing with this one. And perhaps it won’t disappear. This is the part of the path. In the movie “The Power of the Heart”  someone stated that sometimes questions of the heart aren’t answered as a solution but as a path.   Part of these last two months has taught me the difference between acceptance and embracing.  Embracing is the embodiment, literally, of acceptance. It is to sit with this emotion or hole, and just sit. As much as I want a solution, resolution even some scrap of breakthrough, it’s not happening (yet).  So my wall has some good qualities built in. Probably as rock hard as my skull too. This wall of underserving is what has prohibited me or I’ve allowed to put the brakes on moving forward with the book. I feel like a fraud writing about something that I am not a master about yet there’s the irony of the situation because when you get through the book or partake in the workshops you will know that there is much to be gained. Yet I don’t feel like I deserve to write about it. I still have issues. And no end in sight. That’s what’s disheartening for me. Who am I to tell a story, part of it mine, when it comes to self-love. To not share what I have gleaned though is not ‘proper’ either, for lack of a better word. I have cursed at God, the Divine, you name whatever it is, like a child or child in a man’s body to no avail. I’m giving this gift yet not sure how to share it or afraid to because my gift wrapping skills need some finessing, a softer touch or less forceful approach.  Not sure yet.
I indulge in wordplay so bringing this full circle to the title, More Foreward, the answer is right there. It’s to keep writing, it’s to keep moving forward. Regardless of present circumstances, emotional state, whatever. Sometimes in landscaping, when building a beautiful patio or wall feature, there is something that is utilized to mediate a deviation in the wanted perfection of the process. Whether the prior too was in my control or not, the present calls for something to integrate it into the whole so that it is in harmony. Like putting a bed of mortar under a coping unit to fix a level issue that may have happened at base grade or due to a manufacturing issue with the wall units. More foreword. Self-love is never giving up on oneself.  “I don’t know how” never stopped me before so why am I letting it now?  When I grew up playing hockey, I never stopped taking shots because my first one thousand never got off the ice. I kept plugging away.  More Foreword.  It’s a path to love. Not a pothole. The pothole is part of the landscape. The obstacle is part of the path essentially. I haven’t written anything in a while and it feels good to flow, even the tears streaming down my cheeks. Whether deserving or not, a concept, deserving, that we as beings could probably do without in our conditioning as young entities.


Now back to how this writing has inspired more contemplation and for those interested stay tuned, end of January 2018  I’ll be offering another workshop, The Renaissance Man Forum. A conversation and discussion on how to navigate the awakening of your heart as a male.  How to be reborn in the new discovery of what it means to be male, masculine being as so many of the constructs of our conditioning fall away as things that no longer serve us.  Physical gender aside, women are invited to participate because as the energies of transformation ripple across the globe, this harmonization towards greater unity, on individual and collective levels, is influencing all of us. This is not couples counseling and it will definitely improve relationships on a number of levels as a byproduct of partaking in this retreat.  Some additional topics to be covered: RAW, an acronym for the essential elements of transformation excluding grace. Energies of masculine and feminine harmonization within and the rediscovery of what they may be and entail; Emotional versus Intellectual Intelligence and yes there will definitely be instruction on how to meditate and various meditations throughout the day.


(Picture is from a series for the upcoming Renaissance Man Forum)

Thank you


Merry Christmas
December 25, 2017

May your holidays be filled with peace. May joy permeate your being and the comfort of love surround you.

In the reality of the season that saw Jesus born to illuminate a new way of being for us that still holds so much truth today may we reach out, support and pray for those who only know hardship and struggle at this point. May we all continue to hone our own fortitude to go into our dark night of our soul and journey towards the light within. May we learn that acceptance is the stepping point to embracing whatever it is that requires our love for ourselves and for others. May we learn to be less ego centric and follow in the steps that our heart’s lead us, irregardless of the potholes of pain that are inevitable and there for us to fill in and become whole once again. If we are to choose anything, let love be our guide through struggle and abundance. Together let us be who we are, a shining star in the fabric of a majestic universe.

A Season’s Toast from an Angel named Mustang

The stairway to heaven is punctuated with the only things I know most about, love; love of food, rest, play and the special people in our lives. This is the best time of the year to indulge in all of these beautiful things.

Thank you

Merry Christmas from Merlin and Mustang