Love

How ironic is it that as I’ve gotten older I’ve wanted to say less and look to symbols and or emoticons to convey larger meaning in a shorter period of time. This chapbook cover was created long before I even knew what MSN Messenger was or had to offer in terms of communication. There are original pieces in this chapbook that, in addition to some from Markings, touch upon this notion of love. This compilation was published in 2002. The foreword in the chapbook reads as is:

This thing called love. Does love really exist? The answer is similar to the search for the meaning of life. This compilation spans a lifetime of lifetimes. In the end, as is conveyed with the cover illustration, two hazy question marks reflecting each other joined at a point of union, separate but unique to the two, seems the best way to frame it.

love-cover.jpg

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

There are 22 passages in this section:

??s

Hmmmmmmmm…..?!?

This is not What I want

This sucks

Hello

Speechless

Untitled

Divine Illusion

On no, not again

Is now forever?

Realization

Here and Now

Searching for me in you

Serendipity

Musings of a hollow heart

Untitled II

Blink of an i

2 di 4

Devotion

Rapture

Untitled III

Bliss

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

??

A question as old as tyme,

Revolving around matters of the heart.

Countless hours spent,

Searching in a circle.

What is this intangible concept??

A game of the mind,

Or sentiment of the heart??

Is it solid as a rock,

Or does it change with time??

Is it a burning inferno,

Or a blissful state??

Many a song sung,

Many a poem written,

A riddle without a clue??

Is it spur of the moment

Or does it steadily grow??

Does it nurture the soul

Or build the ego??

Can it be cut and dried

Or is it a shady area??

Maybe one should just go with the flow?!?

You can’t put a finger on it,

It slips right through,

Is it something man-made

Or something you innately do??

I could go on forever

Like the sands of time,

In closing then

A question for you.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.…..?!?

How my soul sings

Is this the real thing?

Resonance moves my

Heart strings.

Is it you,

That makes me

Feel this way?

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

This is Not What I Want

It is not fair

To shoulder you with

The burden of

Being the one

To help me

Heal.

I do not want to

Steal.

Leaving you empty

To no longer feel.

I want to go higher

Dance among

Heavenly choirs.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

this sucks @#$#

this sucks.

you know what sucks?

I’ll tell you what sucks.

these feelings I have developing.

this sucks.

talking to you on the phone,

hearing one of your messages,

that sucks.

furthermore, on one of those nights

when I’m not working,

hearing the phone,

hoping it’s you calling to see what’s up,

the times i spend with you on breaks

sharing experiences

finding so many things

in common.

wanting to do so many of those things

sharing good times while working,

that sucks.

being in a so-so mood

and a little while later

feeling good

just because of you.

that sucks.

realizing that whatever i say

or do

cannot change the reality,

my hands are tied.

and do you know what else?

the fact that you have someone else,

that really sucks.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Hello

What is it

about you?

What is it

about me that I see

in your reflection?

How you strum

the chords of my heart.

Overwhelmed

by this heavenly work or art.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Speechless

So many things

Pass thru my mind.

I get lost

In the splendor

Of your eyes.

You are more than beauty

Personified.

I yearn to feel your body

Pressed against mine,

One eternal moment

In time.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Would it bother you

If you saw me

Stripped to the bone?

Hollow,

No longer swallow.

Naked

On the floor?

Locked the door

Drowning in tears

Reflecting fears

Of coming out?

Would it take away

The illusion of strength

And shatter the pedestal

To a million fragments,

Once part of the

Greater hole?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

divine illusion

what it is, what it’s not

can it be, is it

would it, will it

feel it, hear it, touch it, taste it

divine illusion

amalgamation of entirety

personified

unified

fortified

realized

in front, to the left, to the right, what’s behind

divine illusion

immaterial fabrication

of the mind

biding time

waiting for a sign

wine and dine

waiting and waiting and waiting

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Oh no, not again!

So here’s the truth about me,

Everything I’ve always had

A hard time saying,

Eating at my gutz.

Yes, I’m a communicative klutz.

I once met this girl,

No, I did not hurl

Myself at her feet.

I tried not to repeat

Things from the past,

Blast!

It still happened

I felt so strong

For this woman

The only thing I could

Think it was

Love.

Yes, I wanted to tell her

I love her

But I didn’t

Too soon too fast

Didn’t make sense

Especially for someone

Who’s been deprived

Trying to feel alive

Again.

Everything’s so strange

Derange

Doesn’t get better

I feel worse

Joy

Pulled up in a Hearst

My heart burst

Inwards.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

is now forever?

i can’t say

what is true

reality or

thoughts of you.

is it to be

you and me,

one

eternity

pure fun

i’m just glad

to appreciate

moment

by

moment

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Realization

I have never been

Religiously

Organized.

Instead I sought

An end

To the

Hypocrisy

In front of my eyz.

I sought

Truth

On my own.

What I found

In this earthly dome

Is something I can

Call love.

So many years

Living a lie

Now it’s been

For a while

A touch of real

Almost like two worlds

Exist.

One man-made

And the one

That was graciously gave.

It’s time to

Fuse

And end the

Abuse

Of all that we have

Into one.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

here and now

the things I want to leave

behind

fade with time.

pain,

anger,

baggage,

issues of heart

torn apart

and

fused

thru the casket.

perservance

of a

soulful dance

towards

here

now.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

searching for me in you

in my mind’s eye

i travel far and beyond

totally you

only to realize

that i haven’t gone

anywhere

i’m listening

i’m looking

for clues

for answers

to this riddle

diddle diddle diddle

i want to penetrate

go deep

to the core

and release

detachment

freedom

from this

to bliss.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

serendipity

A whisper, a smile

I think I’ll linger here for a while.

You and I,

A fateful meeting of chance.

The spontaneity of a soulful dance,

The taste of romance.

Caught in the beauty

Of a love trance.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

musings of a hollow heart

an inner calm

from pm

to dawn.

a paper doll,

an emotional wall.

in my life

far too much strife,

when it doesn’t start

from inspirations in my heart.

I have been

mesmerized

by things

i visualeyz

frozen in time

only to thaw

in a rhyme

in this space

my thoughts do pace.

for as long as i can

remember

i have searched

time and energy

looking for something.

i read a poem

on the way

today

so much to say

in four lines

little impact,

cracked

could it be

the end for loneliness

and me?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

I gaze upwards to the stars,

Their radiance illuminating the magnificent night sky,

It is not so much a question of why

But when.

How much time will I spend

Waiting for our paths to cross?

For I am at a loss

When you are not here

Alone,

In the dark

I peer.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

blink of an i

As much as I would like to,

And have tried to,

Wipe you from my memory,

Unfortatelee,

You will always be

There,

And nowhere.

Perhaps, part of healing and letting go,

Entails the release of the way

Things were,

Static point of reference without change,

Yet, to change

Is to move

With change’s curent.

You are but a figment

Of the imagination that flies by,

In the blink of an eye,

Just as time spent with

And since.

In the grand vision of life,

Yours and mine,

Alas, but a blink of time.

I swear to God though,

If feels like someone

Poked me in the eye.

I owe nothing to you,

I cannot explain that

Nor our transient being

Together

Other than it is one

Beautiful part of the mystery of living.

I am somwhat grateful for time spent

With and without you.

How it influenced an awakening,

No doubt, a point of reference

In relation to everything,

Existence cannot be grasped

Only inhaled.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

2 di 4

In an ancient language,

The meaning is divine illusion.

In more contemporary tongues,

“Belonging to me”

Is the description.

That is where

I cannot find udnerstanding.

You and I,

The desire of,

What’s not real.

So, ow to explain

The way I feel?

Herein lies the paradox,

The beauty of life,

Personified,

One and the same,

Hand in hand,

Only a metaphor.

What is mine

Yet,

There is no other.

It is the fantasy

That is real,

Because that’s all I feel,

Strongly.

Having without

There never seems to be

Any doubt.

I have longed

And yearned,

Become fully aware

Of how I would love

To run my fingers

Through your hair,

To feel you,

Kiss and caress you.

It has been so long

I guess there really is

Somthing important in my life,

And it’s not me.

A desire to share

With someone

The real fantasy.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

DEVOTION

I am

Bedazzled

By

The

Absolution

Of

Self.

Service for

Another

Sister and brother

Father and mother,

No distinction

Dissolution

Of

The dream

The proper act

Of love

For

Another

Nothing to gain

Achieve through pain

A reality

Viewed through a

Crystal clear pane.

A

Selfish

Selfless

Gesture.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

RAPTURE

I want to savour you

from head to toe.

I want to feel

You,

In the throes

Of ecstasy.

Your body quivering

Spontaneously.

I yearn to see

Sweat glistening

On your torso.

A lustful moan,

Sinfully

My tongue roams.

My desires

Amplified

In your

Rapture.

A carnal escapade,

It’s for this

Endless moment

From which

My dreams

Are made.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

untitled

we are of the same clan

flesh and blood

womyn and man

hand in hand.

there is only heart and soul

seeking the same goal

to find within

the spark to begin.

way off track

on the way back

lost in time and space

face to face.

the temple, our body

time to rebuild

what has been willed

a glorious return to vitality.

the highest esteem

sublte warmth of sunbeam

energy felt from above

the channel. wave of love.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

BLISS

It was in the cards,

It was meant to be,

That’s what the reader

Was telling me.

I would find love

In this place.

A sense of relief

Swept over my face,

Finally…

It never came,

Nor did she.

But something better

A revelation.

There is no such thing.

Open your hearts to this

And you’ll never be empty

Or lonely or confused.

This is bliss.

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