Bleed and Let it Bleed For This
May 13, 2017

 

 

 

Thank you
For the transference
Of your infantile
Ways,
Paying lip service
To notions
You only scratch
The surface on
And carelessly
Disregard,
No concept of
Value at all.
Me me me
My my my
I want I want I want
I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want
Like this is
New
It’s not
It’s a replay
Meant as reminder
That you’re not getting
Because
There are some things
That you don’t want
To get your way
All the time
For
Because
They will be lessons
That you will abhor,
And break you down
The thicker the
Skull
The harder
The force
Required to penetrate
It.
So as a mirror
Of resistance
And rejection
My ode to you,
Gratitude for
Right royally pissing
Me off
No worries
About what you
Don’t want
I’m used to it
With your
Self absorbed
Center of the only-verse
There is
In existence.
Nothing like
A person with
Narcissistic patterns
Entangled in
Self-help.
Blinders on
But not for
Focus
More so
To not see
Past their no’s(e).
It’s like a vicious circle
And definitely not
A good infinity loop.
It’s like feeding
A narc
To an addict,
Already self-absorbed
And now a
Reason to get even
More self absorbed.
Black hole
But there
Is a
Light
In that
Vortex
On the other side.
I’ll get to the point
I’d rather be
Right
Than
Wrong
For all the right
Reasons
Which would be
Dialing in
And heeding the
Inherent universal
Truths
That are all
Blatantly in our
Faces
If we choose
To listen.
Nothing like
Finally
Letting go
Of a nagging
Dead weight
Since I’ve
Known you
There has been
This reoccurring
Theme
It’s wrong to
Be right
To suit your
Fucking ways,
Drag me
Down
To your
Inferiority issues.
Which are the
Same
Dead weight
Nagging you,
Let it fucking go
This is what we’re
Here for
Unconditional love
I, for the first
Time in my life
On a walk with my dog
Love and appreciate myself
For being right.
Since I was a kid
I’ve been told
It’s been bad to
Always be right
But as the Joker
Said to the Bat
“You made me”
Are we not
Conditioned
To get it right?
Can’t be wrong,
Can’t make a mistake?
Get good grades,
Be perfect,
Which means we can’t
Be wrong
It’s a sign of
Lack of whatever
The fuck you want it
To be
Intelligence, smarts,
Approval, acceptance
And so on.
So if I’m right,
Winner,
But it means
Loser
It this duality
And opposition
Versus
Let’s all learn
From this
Help each
Other see
The way
Instead of
Perpetuating
Shit.
I rather
Applaud
The effort that
Goes into getting
It right
Than self sabotage
And quitting
Or giving up.
Bleed for this,
And let the blood
Run dry
Feel your heart
Explode
Into a million tiny
Fragments
Only like
A superhero
Movie graphic
It comes back
Together,
To life
Stronger
And stronger
And stronger
With every
Powerful
Heart beat.
Driven by
An innate
Guide,
Love.
Made in
God’s
Image
And this is
The unification
Of masculine
And feminine
Divinity
Embracing
And
Erasing
New for old
So we
Transmute
Earth
Into
Heart
(Same letters form the two words and the solution to all the problems we have is embedded in the word in three letters – ear, meaning listen to your heart, which is an art, of love and expression)

This poem is inspired by a couple things that are synchronous, happening one after the other, not right away but in a sequence to set this realization up. One element is being triggered by a certain someone, the other is the perfect emotional storm inside that has been churning to teach me, aside from the most important thing, unconditional love, emotional independence. The last element is the last scene in the movie Bleed For This where the reporter interviews the main character and asks ‘what’s the biggest lie you were told’. As a side note, there’s another great line in that movie by said main character, “it’s easy to give up”. Authenticity and living vulnerable is not about paying lip service and blowing hot air, as Brene Brown states, it’s about showing up in the arena and taking your hits…probably knowing your’e going to take them too…and still come back, stand up or get back up. The sad part is that we have to spend so much time, or some of us do, spending so much energy in our short lives pursuing all the wrong things that seem right at the time only to have to spend more time undoing and dealing with the internal and possibly external collateral damage caused by it. If i had or have a dream/wish it would be to thank those that have come before me and will come after me as we reshape this world one by one, person by person, on an individual level and energetic level, to make life more peaceful and loving so that others don’t have to endure. We don’t need pain in our lives. We don’t need tragedy to awaken our hearts. We need to relearn or be taught what it means to be who we are, not what we are. And being right is not who we are, it’s what we are, it’s a circumstance. We are love and light with so much stuff to clear to get back to innocence in the Garden of Heaven here on Earth.

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Rising Up
December 7, 2014

Just wrote this, listening to multiple songs by Explosions in the Sky, although beautiful, passionate music, is fuelling an emotional vibe within me.  Fragments of whatever the fuck I am at times seeking to sort through what is true and no longer serves me…moments of tailspun, spasmatic confusion sandwiched in between moments of crystal clear clarity but no consistency.  Like a child learning to walk and my face is getting tired of smashing on the floor, what do I not get..or is it that I’m learning another level of patience?  All of whatever is rising up teaches me love…love of God, love Self, unconditional, true love…these descriptions are all the same thing of the absolute…looks like romantic love, not to be disrespected because I enjoy partaking in the creativity of romantic love, is not the cake, merely an ingredient, bit part, of the love cake mix.

There has not been a

Day

In the last

Few months

That I have not cried

At least once.

No idea

Why

Sometimes

As the layers

Of my rose,

Heart

Unfurl.

(more…)

Castrated
November 15, 2014

This was written almost a month ago after an intense emotional experience that I still can’t quite understand, other than I almost blacked out and wanted to give up, and this is driving on a highway at night.  There are multiple themes inherent in this, disconnection – where, when, who, how are all a gateway to our original disconnection with the Source/our Self.   How we shut down, and feed denial, confusion, lack of understanding and most definitely one of the most important remedies to much of what ails us – communication, articulation and expression; this is all shut down fuelled by fear and pain, of love, intimacy, giving up control.  It’s about the struggle within to be authentic, to trust, to be loved and love.  It may be fragmented as a poem on a whole but it pulls upon a number of elements that are related.  We are sleep walking and hurting ourselves and others at the same time and truly need to change and make a commitment, to our higher Self for the good of our health and this planet we share.

Bone chilling

Shriek

Can you not feel

What you are doing

to me?

Castrated

Cut off,

A form of

Punishment.

But for

Who?

Me?

Or You?

The one space

Where you

Killed yourself.

Why?

To gain control

Of a connection

That makes you

Feel,

A natural surrender

To rapture,

Your body never

Lied,

And now

I cry

Deep inside.

(more…)

Je me souviens
November 9, 2014

i remember
or did i really want to
before?
now
i do.
i blocked off my past
cut it off
or so I thought,
blown wide
open,
rose
in full bloom,
the time
to heal
is
now.
renew

(more…)

The Sting of the Female Scorpion
November 3, 2014

There is a deep hurt
Already there
We seek refuge
And comfort
To help us
Deal
And if blessed
Heal.
Sometimes that
Refuge
Is just as
Deeply wounded
Enacting the same
Vibe
Never really aware
Til grace
Slaps us in the face
“Wake up”,
Because the prior
Gentle ruminations
Went ignored
Denied,
Repressed
And redressed
To fit a lie,
To ourselves,
Projected
Unto others.

(more…)

Hug a Tree
October 31, 2014

Update to this poem (which is also a repost)

This concept of tree is being expanded, this is the teaser to the updated version which is being crafted:

an all natural, nurturing, wisdom of the earth guide for us to breathe, a protector and partner, who takes care of us and we need to take care of them.

Where I grew up, I had the good fortune to have a creek nearby.  This valley had been a sanctuary to me for so many reasons, from timeless walks with the dog, to hours and hours of dry land conditioning for hockey, to countless journeys taken running in prep for cross country to just being nurtured by Mother Nature in contemplation.  After one of those walks, again, the inspiration was channeled from nature to paper.  This passage was written in Feb 1998.

 

Tree

(more…)

The Heart Chakra-ra-ra-ra – T he L onger V ersion
October 28, 2014

This is an actual dance I shared with someone

Done as a duo

But definitely a solo act as well

So personifying

The

Me

We

Symbology.

The poem follows

(more…)

En-lighten-ment
October 14, 2014

I will

Know
When
I am
‘Enlightened’
Authentically
When your words
No longer hurt me
Nor your deeds
Nor my memories
Or my own thoughts.
But when
I can stand
In front of you
And me
And smile
From my heart
Unconditionally.
I will feel
If it’s possibly,
Because
I will no longer
Be weighed
Down,
Or cling to
Emotionally
Charged
Toxic waste.
Letting go,
Passing through
Will
Loving do.

Overwhelmed
October 6, 2014

We can’t handle pressure of pain

Or love

We rationalize it to make it comfortable
You feel overwhelmed and shut down
Go into a shell
I do the same but differently
I purge, lash out in hurt anger
And try to shut out any remembrance
You can’t handle pressure
And push back
Your fear of commitment
Is obvious.
Sure I’m in denial,
You stated so much
In cold, harsh terms
What you wanted and
Didn’t,
Greener pastures
Elsewhere.