Snapped
May 13, 2017

IMG_2316

Snapped
Sway bar
Stabilizer
First reaction
What’s going on
Trying to figure out
And understand.
Old energy patterns
Of blame
Anger
Crop up
Attempt to transcend
Transmute
And
Know
For I did
Observe
The emotional
Storm within
And surrender
Ask for help.
The light bulb came
A day later.
Going too fast
Swayed side to side
Out of control
Felt like i was
Going to tip over
And split.
At a certain threshold
Calm and steady
Sure it’s
Good to rock
The boat
And shake it up
But there is a balance
Not warp speed
Nor turtle pace
Either
Interesting
Usually in my haste
I’m in a rush to
Get nowhere
When behind the wheel
Griping about how
Slow this is
Or why is that
Like that.
This time
I didn’t care
About any of that
About being surpassed
Or even moving fast
Enough,
As much
As I wanted
To get home
Safe and sound.
What happens
When something
Breaks
And you can’t fix it?
You put it in
The hands of some One
Who can, surrender.
Worry about warranty
Coverage
Or will I have enough
Money to cover
It
Feed the fear fire
Only to find out
That no added
Expense
You’re covered
And taken care of
And better yet
There’s something
There to tide
You over until
You get your
Truck back
From repair.
A family van

Dancing With My Dark
April 22, 2017

My shadows

Seem to be a

Gnarly crew.

Are they the same

For you?

Pick the soft

Spots to

Hurt

And Grind

The gears?

Is its

Foundation

Fear?

Jealousy?

Self Pity?

Anger?

Darkness?

Resentment?

Pain?

Worth Issues?

What purpose

Do they serve?

I’ve decided to

Dance

With some,

It’s up close

Embrace

Face to face,

Or wallflower

Stand still,

Sometimes

Petulance

Defiant in

Their space

So I just

Stand in front

Of them

Follow

Their lead.

Honestly,

Don’t have

A clue

As to why

I still

Carry these.

But I do

Know

Now

That I can

Be

Happy

In their

Presents.

 

Twin Flame
April 5, 2017

IMG_1275

Watched two flames

In one candle

Dancing

Last night.

Incredible energy,

Both drawn

Together.

They bend and twist,

Turn and tilt,

Lean in, lean out

Fast, slow

Frenetic shaking

Followed by

Steady calm.

Trying to consume,

Capture, Fuse

Each other

While sharing

The same space.

So powerful and illuminating,

Attracted, repelled,

Too hot to handle,

Too cold to not

Come back

Together

In the center,

Both fuelled

By the unseen

Fluid air.

 

ps capture the minute meditation video – Candlelight – on nurtureurnature.ca tomorrow to see this brilliant dance

Rooms
March 8, 2016

  
Not doors

Of perception

But rectangular 

With limited 

Amenities

At least 

Four walls

And a couple

Doors,

Closet

Or washroom

Definitely 

Ceilings

And windows 

Basement, main floor

Condo, apartment,

Loft, 

All the same.

Secluded

Yet

Contained within

A greater

Whole

In my childhood

Throughout

Til

Now

I have lived.

Last year and

Some

I have lived

In a room

Currently 

Shared 

Small space

To inhabit 

And grow

Depending on mood

A coffin

Or castle

Right now

Almost feel 

Like an infirmary 

Hospital

Still a place 

To heal

And observe

The changes within

Touched by the 

Grace of the Divine

Bulletp_oof
March 5, 2016


Bulletproof,

I thought I was.

Found myself

Seeking help,

Walking across

The grass of

A mental health

Hospital.

Me,

The one

Who has

Taught others

How to enjoy

Great health

And

Seek within,

Meditate,

Find peace

And clarity.

Yet here I am,

Nor the first

Time I’ve sought

Help

But this was

First

Going to a

Psyche ward.

(more…)

The 7 Year Itch  part5 – Joy of a Child
February 24, 2016


Joy of a Child

I don’t know how old Mustang is.   He was a stray with no chip.  I still call him puppy, even to this day, when he’s at least ten based on what animal services surmised.  He is still puppy-like, from his playfulness to the gleam in his eye when he gets a treat or when you observe him chomping on a stick.  His ‘puppiness’ is this joy that emanates from him and it’s like the gleeful shriek of a child as if it’s experienced the thrill of speed wobbling for the first time as they race towards you down a hallway.

This joy, to me, is the joy of a child. It’s precious.  Nurture it.  Experiencing the simplicity of life in its most natural state.  Even if he’s chased a ball a thousand times, it’s like the first.   And he does it wholeheartedly.

I won’t lie.  It’s hard to try and emulate him.  Overcoming the conditioning of my mind, the perceptual habits and attempting to be and see things uncoloured is an incredible act. A  living meditation but when that joy pulsates through your being, not even in a high energy sense, it’s pretty cool.   Play seems to be a prerequisite to tapping this joy of being in the moment, creative endeavours and learning new things as well.

The schooling this dog has given me, all without any verbal communication, blow my mind.

Photo credits in this series

  • Me and my iPhone
  • T. Valiquette

The 7 Year Itch   part4 – Innocence
February 22, 2016


Innocence

Perhaps I could use the term purity but it doesn’t quite fill the bill. Perhaps it’s a combination of both. What I’m trying to say is that there is this energy about the dog that finally reflected back at me with glaring clarity. It happened on an evening walk when my patience was thin and I was having a hard time dealing with his frenetic energy of course. He wants to sniff. A lot. Sometimes a bit too aggressively as he will yank my arm out of it’s socket to achieve his goal. Dog’s act a certain way. Mustang always will, no matter how much conditioning I attempt. It’s not that he’s making a mistake, or doing things on purpose, whatever he is doing is in his blood. When I react, and not usually in a positive fashion, he’ll look at me like, “What dad? What did I do ( insert wrong as the projected human perception of his action)? There is genuine innocence in his eyes. He’s clueless. Just because his behaviour is not in accordance with my expectation or desire, does not imply it’s wrong. Nor is it necessary to get mad or irritated.

This energy of innocence resonated with me. Perhaps it was how shit I feel for raising my voice at him or how I get angry so many times that finally pierced through my own wall. It brought to mind times as a child being scolded, yelled at or whatever the negative drama was, and my reaction of bewilderment, confusion or fear. Even if I hadn’t done anything wrong but was not acceptable by higher authority (parents, teachers, etc) the energetic impact took a toll. It wasn’t the erosion of my innocence, it was the encasing of it in a protective wall that took decades to finally begin to resurface.

His innocence reflected mine and I needed to get reacquainted with it. This understanding has not stopped. It has actually grown into a much larger concept that now allows me to feel a greater level of compassion, empathy and get a better grasp on the concept of forgiveness.

Thank you yet again Mr. Tang

The 7 Year Itch   part3 – Meeting Needs
February 22, 2016


MEETING NEEDS

There are times when I take Mustang for a walk that the walk is really for me, he becomes an accessory or obligation. I know that sounds harsh and it does make me tinge with pain for being selfish or not so cognizant of his needs.

When I have emotional issues or stress and my needs are not met or I’m having trouble finding a way to meet my needs, it is really hard to connect with meeting the needs of my dog.  And he has them.  Sniff a billion things, pee on a million and perhaps take a number 2, as well as chase after a ball or prance around with a big ass stick.  More importantly there is a subtle sense of freedom and adventure for him to be outside when most of his day is spent indoors.   I forget this when I’m too self-absorbed and he gets the short end of the stick.

It’s hard to meet the needs of others when you are having a hard time meeting your own. Not looking for a solution in or with my partner, especially if it’s something they can’t help with, communicating my lack of fulfillment to them is invaluable though.  I’ve learnt to recognize my awareness and articulate it.  Seeking God seems like a cop out in terms of handing off responsibility but it does bring peace sometimes.  Thinking of others, like my dog, and recognizing and being grateful for little things helps too.   Walking Mustang, day in day out for seven years has taught me this, I may be a slow learner in some regards but I’m glad for what he has shown me.

The final two posts in the 7 Year Itch anniversary lessons will be:

  • Innocence
  • Joy of a child

Reflection
February 3, 2016

  
This morning I was reminded of something that I had wanted to write about so here it is. We were blessed with a glorious view of the full moon a week ago and on a cloud free evening walking my pup I was reminded of a saying. We were walking through a park, snow covered the ground in this vast open space all around us as we breathed in crisp winter air. In the distance you could see smoke rising from a chimney floating upwards, as if reaching out to embrace the full moon.  
Looking at the ground in front of me all I could see was a dazzling display of glitter. Some sparkles brighter than others, only for a moment because with each step the moonlight was reflected off the snowflakes differently. Incredibly beautiful. It was similar to seeing the brilliance of the sun reflected on the surface of water, all the ripples shining together in a universal choreography. 

Paraphrasing the quote from a fading memory, essentially we all have the same light within. Some of the biggest and possibly hardest lessons, for myself in recent times, are compassion, non-judgment, seek to understand perhaps more so know what sympathy and empathy are. This is not only in regards to and for others, but more importantly, I find for myself. Anything I cannot do or be for myself is hard to share with others.   

Communing with nature always brings peace to my soul even if I can’t grasp the small or large picture. So in this moment nature is the classroom that reminds me of my roots and I am grateful.

AA – 1 Step
April 17, 2015

IMG_3245

“Ever have one of those days when…”

As someone just mentioned, there’s always something to be optimistic about even when having one of those days.   How lucky am I to have witnessed a double rainbow?

As above, so below.  As within, so without

(more…)