A Testament to Myself
May 15, 2017

I am worth
The effort
The pain
The hurt
The risk
The anxiety
The struggle
The fear.
I am worth
The effort
To sit in
And be with
And go through
The hellfire of
Of it.
I am worth
Living for
And dying for.
My worth is
Inherent.
I’m willing
And glad
To be
Submitting
To my true
Self.
To evolve
To be
Who am I
Which is
A sparkle
In the
Shine
Of Divine
Light.

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Lose Your Illusion
May 13, 2017

 

All of them
I said you need your freedom
And you said thank you
But you don’t get it
This illusion you have
Is based on
Fear of commitment
Not me impeding your growth
You imply i hold you back
Or that i don’t allow you
To be you
And that was never the case
Nor is.
I was committing to
Nurturing our
Relationship
And if you don’t
See that
Or believe
That
That’s your issue
Not mine.
I’m the one
Who wrote
In my notes
In this house
I’m committed to fostering
Togetherness
Sharing
Openness
Honest Communication
Authenticity
Creativity
Self Determination/Independence and Interdependence
A healthy space to be
Nurturing one self”

As a mantra
Of being
But of course your don’t
Remember
Me sharing this with you
Either, do you?
You’re too blind
To see the love
That has shined on
You
You’re more in
Bondage by
The non acceptance
Of your shit
And chasing your tail.
You do deserve it
To hear this
Not because you’re
A bad person
This time I’m
The Yoga instructor
That told you
You’re not
A compassionate
Person
But I’m
Telling you
Way more about
Yourself
So yes I do
Need to say this
And you need to hear it
Because no one
Else is going to tell
This to you.
So it’s a gift
If you choose
To allow your
Perception
To see it for what it
Is
And not feed your
Old patterns,
Raise your
Awareness
As you did
With what
She said,
You are
Creating
A fair bit
Of this.
You want me
To give up
On you,
You think
Letting go
Of you is
The answer
I’m not holding
On to you
We are both
Free
Always have
Been
Always
Will be.
You think
Letting go is
A one time
Thing
It’s Can
Be an ordeal
Repeated over
And over
And over
Again
Until the lesson
And new pattern
Is learnt.

Bleed and Let it Bleed For This
May 13, 2017

 

 

 

Thank you
For the transference
Of your infantile
Ways,
Paying lip service
To notions
You only scratch
The surface on
And carelessly
Disregard,
No concept of
Value at all.
Me me me
My my my
I want I want I want
I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want
Like this is
New
It’s not
It’s a replay
Meant as reminder
That you’re not getting
Because
There are some things
That you don’t want
To get your way
All the time
For
Because
They will be lessons
That you will abhor,
And break you down
The thicker the
Skull
The harder
The force
Required to penetrate
It.
So as a mirror
Of resistance
And rejection
My ode to you,
Gratitude for
Right royally pissing
Me off
No worries
About what you
Don’t want
I’m used to it
With your
Self absorbed
Center of the only-verse
There is
In existence.
Nothing like
A person with
Narcissistic patterns
Entangled in
Self-help.
Blinders on
But not for
Focus
More so
To not see
Past their no’s(e).
It’s like a vicious circle
And definitely not
A good infinity loop.
It’s like feeding
A narc
To an addict,
Already self-absorbed
And now a
Reason to get even
More self absorbed.
Black hole
But there
Is a
Light
In that
Vortex
On the other side.
I’ll get to the point
I’d rather be
Right
Than
Wrong
For all the right
Reasons
Which would be
Dialing in
And heeding the
Inherent universal
Truths
That are all
Blatantly in our
Faces
If we choose
To listen.
Nothing like
Finally
Letting go
Of a nagging
Dead weight
Since I’ve
Known you
There has been
This reoccurring
Theme
It’s wrong to
Be right
To suit your
Fucking ways,
Drag me
Down
To your
Inferiority issues.
Which are the
Same
Dead weight
Nagging you,
Let it fucking go
This is what we’re
Here for
Unconditional love
I, for the first
Time in my life
On a walk with my dog
Love and appreciate myself
For being right.
Since I was a kid
I’ve been told
It’s been bad to
Always be right
But as the Joker
Said to the Bat
“You made me”
Are we not
Conditioned
To get it right?
Can’t be wrong,
Can’t make a mistake?
Get good grades,
Be perfect,
Which means we can’t
Be wrong
It’s a sign of
Lack of whatever
The fuck you want it
To be
Intelligence, smarts,
Approval, acceptance
And so on.
So if I’m right,
Winner,
But it means
Loser
It this duality
And opposition
Versus
Let’s all learn
From this
Help each
Other see
The way
Instead of
Perpetuating
Shit.
I rather
Applaud
The effort that
Goes into getting
It right
Than self sabotage
And quitting
Or giving up.
Bleed for this,
And let the blood
Run dry
Feel your heart
Explode
Into a million tiny
Fragments
Only like
A superhero
Movie graphic
It comes back
Together,
To life
Stronger
And stronger
And stronger
With every
Powerful
Heart beat.
Driven by
An innate
Guide,
Love.
Made in
God’s
Image
And this is
The unification
Of masculine
And feminine
Divinity
Embracing
And
Erasing
New for old
So we
Transmute
Earth
Into
Heart
(Same letters form the two words and the solution to all the problems we have is embedded in the word in three letters – ear, meaning listen to your heart, which is an art, of love and expression)

This poem is inspired by a couple things that are synchronous, happening one after the other, not right away but in a sequence to set this realization up. One element is being triggered by a certain someone, the other is the perfect emotional storm inside that has been churning to teach me, aside from the most important thing, unconditional love, emotional independence. The last element is the last scene in the movie Bleed For This where the reporter interviews the main character and asks ‘what’s the biggest lie you were told’. As a side note, there’s another great line in that movie by said main character, “it’s easy to give up”. Authenticity and living vulnerable is not about paying lip service and blowing hot air, as Brene Brown states, it’s about showing up in the arena and taking your hits…probably knowing your’e going to take them too…and still come back, stand up or get back up. The sad part is that we have to spend so much time, or some of us do, spending so much energy in our short lives pursuing all the wrong things that seem right at the time only to have to spend more time undoing and dealing with the internal and possibly external collateral damage caused by it. If i had or have a dream/wish it would be to thank those that have come before me and will come after me as we reshape this world one by one, person by person, on an individual level and energetic level, to make life more peaceful and loving so that others don’t have to endure. We don’t need pain in our lives. We don’t need tragedy to awaken our hearts. We need to relearn or be taught what it means to be who we are, not what we are. And being right is not who we are, it’s what we are, it’s a circumstance. We are love and light with so much stuff to clear to get back to innocence in the Garden of Heaven here on Earth.

Dancing With My Dark
April 22, 2017

My shadows

Seem to be a

Gnarly crew.

Are they the same

For you?

Pick the soft

Spots to

Hurt

And Grind

The gears?

Is its

Foundation

Fear?

Jealousy?

Self Pity?

Anger?

Darkness?

Resentment?

Pain?

Worth Issues?

What purpose

Do they serve?

I’ve decided to

Dance

With some,

It’s up close

Embrace

Face to face,

Or wallflower

Stand still,

Sometimes

Petulance

Defiant in

Their space

So I just

Stand in front

Of them

Follow

Their lead.

Honestly,

Don’t have

A clue

As to why

I still

Carry these.

But I do

Know

Now

That I can

Be

Happy

In their

Presents.

 

What Would I do Without You
April 10, 2017

IMG_0084

I don’t know
What I would do without you,
Wallow in self pity
Build larger walls of resentment
Watch my anger fester
And sorrow grow?
And never really
Know
What it is
To love?
I’m still coming
To terms
With
Who You are
Or What you are
And
Dear God
Or Gaia
Or Both
I truly would
Have no
Strength
If it wasn’t
For the guidance
You give
And the Light
You provide.
One day
If I’m so blessed
To meet you
Divinity
Personified
I will look
To the skies,
Raise my arms
And then kneel
To kiss the ground
For my wishes
Come True

Twin Flame
April 5, 2017

IMG_1275

Watched two flames

In one candle

Dancing

Last night.

Incredible energy,

Both drawn

Together.

They bend and twist,

Turn and tilt,

Lean in, lean out

Fast, slow

Frenetic shaking

Followed by

Steady calm.

Trying to consume,

Capture, Fuse

Each other

While sharing

The same space.

So powerful and illuminating,

Attracted, repelled,

Too hot to handle,

Too cold to not

Come back

Together

In the center,

Both fuelled

By the unseen

Fluid air.

 

ps capture the minute meditation video – Candlelight – on nurtureurnature.ca tomorrow to see this brilliant dance

What I Loved About You Most
April 2, 2017

Not your smile
Or your laugh
Or the many ways
We had fun,
Creative or active,
Or the way
You would communicate
And calm things down
When i would get
Energized.
It wasn’t the
Surprise admiration
Inside
At some of the things
You would say.
What I found
Most attractive
And resonated
Immensely with the
Beauty of love
Was when you
Were asleep.
Soft,
Warm,
Defences down.
Peaceful
But most
Of all
Vulnerable.
You are most
Beautiful
In your
vulnerable self
And truth be
Told
I wish
I saw it
During the
Light
Of day.

Toy Story
April 1, 2017

Lucas
Toy Story
Inspired
By a child’s
Buried Toys
In the Arena
Of men being boys.
Needed help
To find something
He buried
And lost
But his pops
Was busy
I avoided
But my
Sympathy
Got the
Better of Me
On my knees
Digging in the dirt
With this tyke
Shortly after
Recovering
His Stuff
That’s part one
Of the Loop
In conversation
The other day
I said i was
Afraid of
Children
Scroll to the top
And you can see
I initially avoided
Part two of
The loop
Green shirt
Design caught
My eye
One word specifically
‘Maya’
Once wrote a poem
About the concept
Of Maya
Divine Illusion
I was pacing
After the toy rescue
And it dawned on me
Hard
My fear is an illusion
Created by me
In an instant
Flooded with joy
Energy
From my crown
Shock-ra
Part three of
The Loop
That morning prior
To this scene
I woke up
At 5am
Writing
About embracing
Honouring
Respecting
The Divine Feminine
Energy within
Me
This is not
A
Coincidence
And it
Is
If you know what
I mean
Since the toy
Rescue
I have been
In a mood
Unseen
For a while
Joy

Nurture Your Nature
October 19, 2016

img_0899

 

For those of you that I’ve had the pleasure of sharing my poetry and musings with, I’m adding another chapter in the book of Merlin expressions with my latest site offering:

nurtureurnature.ca

Commune    Infuse    Renew

 

🙂

 

 

This Miracle called Rage
November 3, 2014

some people
myself included
will doubt
some more
than others
but my doubt
has just been replaced
with humble
gratitude
at a miracle
in attitude
my own
and the power
of surrender
to have myself
delivered
from my own
venom

(more…)