Bleed and Let it Bleed For This
May 13, 2017

 

 

 

Thank you
For the transference
Of your infantile
Ways,
Paying lip service
To notions
You only scratch
The surface on
And carelessly
Disregard,
No concept of
Value at all.
Me me me
My my my
I want I want I want
I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want
Like this is
New
It’s not
It’s a replay
Meant as reminder
That you’re not getting
Because
There are some things
That you don’t want
To get your way
All the time
For
Because
They will be lessons
That you will abhor,
And break you down
The thicker the
Skull
The harder
The force
Required to penetrate
It.
So as a mirror
Of resistance
And rejection
My ode to you,
Gratitude for
Right royally pissing
Me off
No worries
About what you
Don’t want
I’m used to it
With your
Self absorbed
Center of the only-verse
There is
In existence.
Nothing like
A person with
Narcissistic patterns
Entangled in
Self-help.
Blinders on
But not for
Focus
More so
To not see
Past their no’s(e).
It’s like a vicious circle
And definitely not
A good infinity loop.
It’s like feeding
A narc
To an addict,
Already self-absorbed
And now a
Reason to get even
More self absorbed.
Black hole
But there
Is a
Light
In that
Vortex
On the other side.
I’ll get to the point
I’d rather be
Right
Than
Wrong
For all the right
Reasons
Which would be
Dialing in
And heeding the
Inherent universal
Truths
That are all
Blatantly in our
Faces
If we choose
To listen.
Nothing like
Finally
Letting go
Of a nagging
Dead weight
Since I’ve
Known you
There has been
This reoccurring
Theme
It’s wrong to
Be right
To suit your
Fucking ways,
Drag me
Down
To your
Inferiority issues.
Which are the
Same
Dead weight
Nagging you,
Let it fucking go
This is what we’re
Here for
Unconditional love
I, for the first
Time in my life
On a walk with my dog
Love and appreciate myself
For being right.
Since I was a kid
I’ve been told
It’s been bad to
Always be right
But as the Joker
Said to the Bat
“You made me”
Are we not
Conditioned
To get it right?
Can’t be wrong,
Can’t make a mistake?
Get good grades,
Be perfect,
Which means we can’t
Be wrong
It’s a sign of
Lack of whatever
The fuck you want it
To be
Intelligence, smarts,
Approval, acceptance
And so on.
So if I’m right,
Winner,
But it means
Loser
It this duality
And opposition
Versus
Let’s all learn
From this
Help each
Other see
The way
Instead of
Perpetuating
Shit.
I rather
Applaud
The effort that
Goes into getting
It right
Than self sabotage
And quitting
Or giving up.
Bleed for this,
And let the blood
Run dry
Feel your heart
Explode
Into a million tiny
Fragments
Only like
A superhero
Movie graphic
It comes back
Together,
To life
Stronger
And stronger
And stronger
With every
Powerful
Heart beat.
Driven by
An innate
Guide,
Love.
Made in
God’s
Image
And this is
The unification
Of masculine
And feminine
Divinity
Embracing
And
Erasing
New for old
So we
Transmute
Earth
Into
Heart
(Same letters form the two words and the solution to all the problems we have is embedded in the word in three letters – ear, meaning listen to your heart, which is an art, of love and expression)

This poem is inspired by a couple things that are synchronous, happening one after the other, not right away but in a sequence to set this realization up. One element is being triggered by a certain someone, the other is the perfect emotional storm inside that has been churning to teach me, aside from the most important thing, unconditional love, emotional independence. The last element is the last scene in the movie Bleed For This where the reporter interviews the main character and asks ‘what’s the biggest lie you were told’. As a side note, there’s another great line in that movie by said main character, “it’s easy to give up”. Authenticity and living vulnerable is not about paying lip service and blowing hot air, as Brene Brown states, it’s about showing up in the arena and taking your hits…probably knowing your’e going to take them too…and still come back, stand up or get back up. The sad part is that we have to spend so much time, or some of us do, spending so much energy in our short lives pursuing all the wrong things that seem right at the time only to have to spend more time undoing and dealing with the internal and possibly external collateral damage caused by it. If i had or have a dream/wish it would be to thank those that have come before me and will come after me as we reshape this world one by one, person by person, on an individual level and energetic level, to make life more peaceful and loving so that others don’t have to endure. We don’t need pain in our lives. We don’t need tragedy to awaken our hearts. We need to relearn or be taught what it means to be who we are, not what we are. And being right is not who we are, it’s what we are, it’s a circumstance. We are love and light with so much stuff to clear to get back to innocence in the Garden of Heaven here on Earth.

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Bulletp_oof
March 5, 2016


Bulletproof,

I thought I was.

Found myself

Seeking help,

Walking across

The grass of

A mental health

Hospital.

Me,

The one

Who has

Taught others

How to enjoy

Great health

And

Seek within,

Meditate,

Find peace

And clarity.

Yet here I am,

Nor the first

Time I’ve sought

Help

But this was

First

Going to a

Psyche ward.

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Make a Wish
February 25, 2016

  
How difficult is this simple exercise?  Say these words authentically:

I’m sorry, it was not my intent to hurt you. I will try to be more sensitive.”

I’m going to reach out on a limb and venture a guess that this is not easy for someone who probably thinks they have done nothing wrong.  It’s not my problem the other person is too sensitive.  I’m not sure if I was like this years ago and in my more awakened, vulnerability I feel more now. If so, maybe it’s the karmic wheel in full circle. 

It’s astonishing that some people will hurt someone or offend them and be completely unaware of the damage they have done.  Ignorant innocence, is this the new term to describe it?  What does this teach?  First and foremost to love myself.  Find a quiet space and sit with myself to be with myself as I cope with the emotional turbulence within until I find a better sense of equilibrium.  Forgiveness, don’t want to hold a grudge against the person ( for too long anyways ).  Introspection leads to another demonstration of the golden rule; filter what comes out of my mouth in general.  And this is even tougher presently because the hurt I feel leads to a natural coping action of lashing out.  

I chose this dandelion picture because of a number of it’s attributes – delicate, out in the open, interconnected, almost transparent. All elements, and not limited to, of the process of nurturing your nature, loving your self. May we all make the effort to accept and embrace the challenges of choosing love. 

The 7 Year Itch part 1 – Gentle
February 18, 2016


This 7 year itch is opposite in meaning to the term coined from a play in the mid-20th century.  The above picture is what we call the ‘happy scratch’.   An itch that provokes Mustang to twist side to side, grunt and snort and pump his legs like he’s riding a bicycle.  It’s a daily ritual. It evokes so much joy and is part of a bond that has only gotten stronger year after year.

I got him as a rescue and it’s our seven year anniversaries.  He hasn’t changed in 7 years. I have. Lucky me.   I’ve tried to describe the impact this dog has had on my life in poems and other posts. It’s beauty that is indescribable and I feel so much in my heart.  In the last year I have learnt much about myself in reflection to his way of being that has helped heal and liberate me more ( liberate to me, means to feel more and not be chained by pre-conditioned behaviour processes, no matter how effective they were as a coping mechanism in the past, that no longer serve me).   What follows in this post and the next couple are a few of the lessons gained that have allowed for a greater knowing of how to ‘self-love‘ among other things.


GENTLE

Imagine having an open wound, doesn’t even have to be fresh. Next, picture hitting it with a hard object.  Yep, it’s going to hurt.  The intensity of pain may vary.  Vulnerability, awakening to the soft underbelly of your being in the beginning, is akin to being covered in open sores, all demanding attention and care.  Some of these sores are past traumatic events, others are resentments and some are just emotions.  These emotions could be in their purist form, as if it’s the first time you’ve experienced them.  Imagine as a child, experiencing strong emotions and not having the slightest idea as to how to cope with them. What if these memories are stored energetically in your being and then at some point in your life, circumstance provides the opportunity to revisit and release, to get to know, feel and be with them?   How best to deal with them now?

Have you ever seen how some people respond to loud, aggressive shouting, even if it’s not directed at them?  They shut down. Protect themselves. Others may shout back, louder.   Rare is the incident where someone responds calmly. If they do, you want to speak to this person, because they may have mastered their emotions and may have a tip or two to share.  I digress.   To make a long story short, there are parts of us, emotions, wounds; whether it’s the first time dealing with them or a repetition, that require us to be gentle with them.  Gentle with ourselves ( the how-to-be gentle with ourselves will be covered later).   Quite simply because all alternatives do not work. We cannot force some things.  I was and still have a tendency at a much lessor frequency, to be thick skulled.  Then a subtle, soft, tender, furry reminder to be gentle appears either wagging his tail or just looking at me and it’s the energy of how he looks that says it all.

Yep a dog taught me this.   More to come on this itch that is being scratched, gently.

Is it possible to be too vulnerable
February 11, 2016

  
The benefits of being in touch with your authentic self are all the rage. And that’s the problem. Rage. Short, unexpected outbursts . Nothing violent but an emotion so raw it catches me by surprise. Where did this come from? Is this really me ? After the work I’ve done to clean house it’s like I’ve done nothing and fly off the handle at petty, repetitive stuff that is not going to go away ( stupid inconsiderate drivers; change my dog’s continual refusal to listen to me on first command and his lolly gagging, take the long, distracted by fifty scents , route back to me when he eventually does respond ). 

Too vulnerable. Unable to absorb. Need protection , nurturing. Spread myself too thin. Trying to get in touch with my heart. Trust God yet I can’t quite feel this energy or I’m really good at blocking it out subconsciously even though I ask for its help and presence.  

Sometimes nurturing involves preservation. Although I’m healing (becoming whole) and learning new things, I have to remember that the process has left me exposed, like an open wound, and I require a gentle approach to dealing with myself. One of sensitive awareness that recognizes what the moment is asking for.

The Equalizer
April 11, 2015

unnamed copy

An equalizer can mean many things; sometimes it’s a reference to balancing things out, can be an instrument to make music sound better, ebb and flow in the sense that somedays are better than others or an interesting line in a movie that after some conversation sparks this post.

I’m blessed with some great things in my life and recently one of them has been to instruct and lead a meditation group at Anchored Social Club in Toronto.  This past Tuesday evening was another special evening shared with 7 great people.  During the discussion post-meditation, Ben Dussault, owner of the fitness club, presented the question of how to take the effects of the session into everyday living, like doing  “homework”.

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

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